Pissed off Wiccan for Peace: 10/26/2003

Friday, October 31, 2003

Twas the evening of Samhain
By Cathor Steincamp

'Twas the evening of Samhain, and all through the place
were pagans preparing the ritual space.
The candles were set in the corners with care,
in hopes that the Watchtowers soon would be there.

We all had our robes on (as is habitual)
and had just settled down and were starting our ritual
when out on the porch there arose such a chorus
that we went to the door, and waiting there for us
were children in costumes of various kinds
with visions of chocolate bright in their minds.

In all of our workings, we'd almost forgot,
but we had purchased candy (we'd purchased a LOT),
And so, as they flocked from all over the street,
they all got some chocolate or something else sweet.

We didn't think twice of delaying our rite,
Kids just don't have this much fun every night.
For hours they came, with the time-honored schtick
of giving a choice: a treat or a trick.

As is proper, the parents were there for the games,
Watching the children and calling their names.
"On Vader, On Leia,
On Dexter and DeeDee,
On Xena, on Buffy,
Casper and Tweety!
To the block of apartments
on the neighboring road;
You'll get so much candy,
you'll have to be TOWED!"

The volume of children eventually dropped,
and as it grew darker, it finally stopped.
But as we prepared to return to our rite,
One child more stepped out of the night.

She couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen.
Her hair was deep red, and her robe, forest green
with a simple gold cord tying off at the waist.
She'd a staff in her hand and a smile on her face.

No make-up, nor mask, or accompanying kitsch,
so we asked who she was; she replied "I'm a witch.
And no, I don't fly through the sky on my broom;
I only use that thing for cleaning my room.
My magical powers aren't really that neat,
but I won't threaten tricks; I'll just ask for a treat."

We found it refreshing, so we gave incense cones,
A candle, a crystal, a few other stones,
And the rest of the candy (which might fill a van).
She turned to her father (a man dressed as Pan)
and laughed, "Yes, I know, Dad, it's past time for bed,"
and started to leave, but she first turned and said
"I'm sorry for further delaying your rite.
Blessed Samhain to all, and a magical night."

posted by Kimber at 8:40 PM :: ~#~

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Many, many thanks to my blog-buddy Ben for this way too great post that I am shamelessly stealing...

George Carlin on the ten commandments

From "Complaints and Grievances" (HBO special)

"Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there ten?

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick ten? Why not nine or eleven? I'll tell you why: because ten sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let's start with the first three:

'I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME'

'THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN'

'THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH'

Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? Strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to seven. Next:

'HONOUR THY FATHER AND MOTHER'

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

'THOU SHALT NOT STEAL'

'THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS'

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to five.

And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:

'THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'

'THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE'

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gunna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But marital infidelity is a good idea, so we're gunna keep this one and call it 'Thou shalt not be unfaithful'. And suddenly we're down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing 'Thou shalt always be honest and faithful', and we're down to three.

'THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOUR'S GOODS'

This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbour's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbour gets a vibrator that plays "O Come All Ye Faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:

'THOU SHALT NOT KILL'

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, the Middle East, Kashmir, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take 'Thou shalt not kill'. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin' the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:

'THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL TO THE PROVIDER OF THY NOOKIE', and 'THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO KILL ANYONE, UNLESS OF COURSE THEY PRAY TO A DIFFERENT INVISIBLE MAN THAN YOU'.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

'THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF'."

posted by Kimber at 11:05 AM :: ~#~